My 10 rules for raising children

Disclaimer: All information is highly subjective, and I do not assume any legal responsibility for your actions. I cannot provide links to information sources.

1. Have children. Exceptions: gay individuals, those with health issues, elderly individuals, and the ultra-poor. Regarding the ultra-poor, I'm not entirely sure, but extreme poverty is a vice, a collection of bad habits, and it's better not to reproduce it. But for ordinary people, have children. Among my neighbors, there are people with a childfree philosophy. They believe they will live their lives without children. The reasons are various. These are intelligent, well-off people with higher education, intellectuals. They are around 30 years old now. I'm very curious to see them at fifty when they'll likely experience depression and eternal regrets that they missed their best years while sitting in the office (what else should a decent person do when they don't have a family – they have to work). Society has imposed certain fears on us. For example, the fear that there won't be enough food for everyone, or the most primitive one – you need to first buy a house and save money – and then have children. Some keep saving and saving, but not everyone manages to accumulate enough. However, you still need to have children, and the only condition is to choose the right partner for procreation. Finding and choosing a person to start a family with is a very serious and complex matter. It's really a stumbling block for having children. Those who seek will find! But that's a topic for another time. Right now, let's talk about what I've learned from my experience in raising my son.

2. Imagine the person you want to raise. What kind of individual should theoretically emerge from your child? Then look at yourself and understand one simple thing: thoughts create actions, actions create habits, habits create character, and character creates destiny. Re-educating yourself is very difficult. It's better to start from early childhood. One simple change in your thoughts potentially leads to one change in your actions today. Multiply that by 365 days, and it's already a significant change. In the scope of one's life, it could be a key change. It's a very challenging path, but it's the path that people whose books you read and whose films you watch follow.

3. Read books and articles on child-rearing, and subscribe to YouTube channels of knowledgeable parents. Raising children is something you need to learn, just like playing the piano – it involves theory and practice, and you won't achieve anything beautiful right away. Not everyone has a musical ear. By nature, women have strong instincts for child-rearing, and many naturally do a good job with it. However, if a woman thinks she's the smartest and knows everything, it can hinder her child's development. On the contrary, great children often come from great parents.

4. Disconnect the internet at home. There are guidelines and recommendations for introducing children to the internet. The general rule is the later, the better. Encourage activities like playing with LEGO, reading books, engaging in role-playing games, drawing, making music, playing chess, exploring mathematics, participating in sports, playing war games, and enjoying dolls—do things the way they were done before the internet. I'm not sure if it's true or a myth, but I've heard that in the United States, there are schools, one of which was founded by Tesla's founder Elon Musk for his children and their friends, that follow a special ascetic policy regarding new technologies and gadgets. Personally, I believe that my child will have enough exposure to the internet at school and when visiting friends.

5. Don't buy your child a phone. Kids can easily do without a phone until the age of 13-14. Excuses like "What if my child gets lost in the woods at night?" are often imposed by society and cell phone companies, and they are not always the wisest arguments. Let your child earn their own phone. It will give them something productive to do at home without the internet—reading, planning, and socializing. An iPad is acceptable, but it should be without internet access and with time restrictions. The restriction should be set not by you but by your child. This is one of the focuses of parenting.

6. Help your child save up for a car on their own. In the United States, a car is like a pair of shoes; you can't go outside without it. In Russia, it won't hurt either, and the skills your child gains through independently (with your help, of course) saving a significant amount of money by the required age will be very useful in adulthood when it's time to save for a house. Saving up for a car is a long-term project that will require developing other valuable skills.

7. Enroll your child in the best school you believe you can afford and then an even better one. It's all about the environment, the people, and the children your child will be spending half of their working day with. Great minds think alike. Intelligence isn't just about IQ; it's the ability to solve problems. People look at each other and imitate. Monkey see, monkey do. The "best school" rule applies to universities and the company where your child will work as well. Let it be the best company. A company is primarily a group of people. Help your child navigate the education and job market, and don't let them drift aimlessly. Find out how brainstorming works and conduct a brainstorming session on "How to get my child into the best school in the district."

9. If you want to teach your child a new habit or break an old one, set a personal example. It doesn't work at every age, but it's a good general rule. Children are a unique opportunity for your personal growth. For me, this is a real find because I'm lazy, and my default work mode is to look for shortcuts everywhere. But this isn't always the right path in life. For the sake of your children, you can quit smoking, engage in sports, wake up early, work hard and efficiently, read books, and stop watching mindless TV series (you can watch the first season of Game of Thrones but not with the kids!). It will be beneficial for you personally, and your child will watch and mimic you, just like a monkey. And, by the way, you also mimic your closest environment. There's a saying that a person is the average of the five people they spend the most time with. If your child is among those five, then they are heavily influenced by you. And if they are already over 30, let's hope that in the past, you did everything as cool as a ninja.


10. Play with your child. The more, the better. Spend quality time with your child, turn off your phone (you've already turned off the internet at home, so there's time to play for real). Play their games. If they ask you to play, do it. Build with Lego. Go outside to play football and ride bikes. Go fishing, cook dinner together, and play Minecraft on the console or TV. Talk to your child. Learn to have deep conversations. Learn to engage in logical, reasoned debates. In games, become their best friend. According to modest psychological research, parents who genuinely and fully engage in play with their children build strong, balanced relationships in life. Children are wonderful; they give you a reason to immerse yourself in childhood for an hour, forget about your mortgage, and become a child again.






One response to “My 10 rules for raising children”

  1. Vadzim Avatar

    Только в идеале надо смотреть на родителей девушки, а лучше и на бабушек-дедушек. Болезни имеют свойство передаваться через поколения. Наследственные заболевания.

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